I changed the topic last minute so here is what I have so far...
Throughout my life, for as long as I can remember, I have tried to live a healthy lifestyle. But wait, what exactly is healthy? It is a word that we throw around loosely a lot. Everyone has their idea of what healthy is but according to the dictionary, healthy is possessing or enjoying good health or a sound and vigorous mentality. This definition circles around the word health too much. Health in the dictionary is the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit; especially free from physical disease or pain. There is more to being healthy than just possessing a sound body, mind, and spirit. Healthy is all about balance. The saying of too much of a good thing is a bad thing can be applied here. Too much exercise or eating too many vegetables, things that we often consider to be healthy, is unhealthy. We need rest to recover and other food groups to have a properly functioning body.
I think you are off to a good start by tying in your personal relationship with this term right off the get go. However I think to develop your introduction a bit more maybe you could talk about your experience with health awareness through your involvement on the track team (you're on it right?) I think that would make an interesting introduction that would pull your readers in. Also this paragraph is a bit bulky. I would suggest separating it between too much. & Health in the dictionary is...
ReplyDeleteAnother small change I saw was in this line:
Healthy is all about balance.
Change healthy to health.
Hope this helps!
I totally agree with Kara that you could sneak in more of an introduction. Using your personal experience with running would probably work well. Arguing with the classical definition is effective too. When you say Webster might be wrong, it makes the reader pay attention more. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, like Kara said, keep the paragraphs a bit shorter. Use some transitions, and it'll flow really well. I wasn't sure where you were going after this section, but it's looking good.
Okay thanks. That gives me some confidence. I wasn't too sure how much of a personal account I should give, but if you guys are suggesting it, I will be sure to incorporate more.
ReplyDeleteThis will work - weave in other ideas - skinny isn't healthy. Differs for everyone right? Can someone who smokes but exercises be healthy? Is it more of a mindset rather than your bmi? Is it a feeling? condition? What about people who exercise 24/7 and are vegan? Do they cross the line from healthy to obsessive? These are some of the ideas you should explore. See if you can get group members to look at it once you have more put together.
ReplyDelete